I can’t explain the feelings i’ve been through this year.
I’m more honest with myself than absolutely ever in my life.
I see my friendship with Aliza dying.
That’s a truth I’ve been trying to avoid for years.
I don’t have any (even slight) desire to be a doctor.
If i was paid less I wouldnt do it.
If it had less prestige I wouldnt do it.
If i hadnt set myself up for it, I wouldnt choose it now.
I dont want to do it. I dont want to go through the process and I always thought I just had to, but I dont!
I have never faced that before, I’ve always avoided that reality.
I tried to talk to mom about it and she shut me down.
"during the day"
"wait for dad"
I’m just going to dissapoint them.
Its a choice between keeping them happy or me happy
Its a choice between having respect and credibility or doing what you’d rather be doing.
What’s that? I dont know for sure yet, but for some reason I’m okay with that. I’ll figure it out.
I cant believe she said I dont care
she shouldnt have come, she said
why would you say that to me? you’re my best friend still i thought
i thought you were on my side, i thought you could c ome to me, i thought you could trust me
but you would never do that, you’d never trust me/
you’d never speak to me
you’d never let me in
and i just can’t call you me best friend if thats the case
It’s just making me feel more and more that I shouldnt be here
I should go back to New York and be with Aaron
I belong there
but trust me, he comes with his share of problems too.